I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
