Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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