Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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