he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
