I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."