I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.