I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night