I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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