Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
