ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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