She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
