38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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