first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
