do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
