Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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