He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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