i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
