i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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