I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
