I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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