it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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