Will you blow on my dice?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
