Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
