I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
