I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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