apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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