i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
