There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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