I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
