The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
