Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
