I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
