blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
