dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
