If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
