Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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