1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
