Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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