I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
