i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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