i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
