I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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