I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
