GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
