I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
