it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
