Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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