just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
