dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize