I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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