he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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