She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
