We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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