Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
