Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
