i think i have two assholes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
