But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
