you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
