Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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