Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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