The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
