i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
