if i died would you start the facebook group?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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